Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
