seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
