i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize