We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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