sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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