i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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