Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
