Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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