You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
