i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
is wine microwaveable?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
