Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
