So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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