Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
