Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
