Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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