i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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