theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
