Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
