he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
