If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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