Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
