So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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