Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
