she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
