I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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