Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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