Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
