There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
