okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
