meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
