Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
