i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
