I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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