My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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