Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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