It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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