Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
