dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sponge bath it is.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
