I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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