3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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