you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He better not be in your backpack
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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