he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
