question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
