he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
