I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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