I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
