fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
no you cant smoke seaweed
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
