Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
