i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My first STD was from a foam party
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
