hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
