My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
