I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
