just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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