This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
how drunk are you?
Several
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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