My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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